11 Ways Robert Pattinson Can Get Over Kristen Stewart — The Funnies
By now, the entire world knows Kristen Stewart did the seemingly unthinkable — she cheated on her heartthrob of a boyfriend, Robert Pattinson.
The ‘Twilight’ stars had tried to keep their romance low-key, but that went up in smoke when Stewart admitted she had a fling with her ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’ director, Rupert Sanders. Pattinson has kept a low profile since the scandal erupted, emerging for the first time on Monday’s episode of ‘The Daily Show,’ where he didn’t open up at all about the matter.
So, while Pattinson nurses a broken heart, we thought we’d help him out by letting him know how he can get over Stewart’s philandering ways.
1. Sit in a hot tub with 10,000 screaming fans and count his money.
2. Order 50 pizzas to Kristin’s house every 45 minutes for the next two years.
3. Make out with Rupert Sanders in a park and get caught by paparazzi.
4. Have a sleepover with three of his best friends where by they play video games, wrestle and make fun of stupid girls all night long.
5. Construct a 60-foot bronze statue of Kristen Stewart and hurl mounds of horse manure at it.
6. Stand outside Taylor Lautner’s window with a boombox over his head blaring Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes’ until he gets arrested.
7. Get back in that hot tub and play ‘Spin the Pattinson’ with those 10,000 screaming fans.
8. Have a good cry and realize he’s like everyone else on the planet — except way hotter and richer.
9. Buy ad space in ‘The New York Times’ and announce that Kristen Stewart toots in her sleep.
10. Date. And date often.
11. Look in the mirror and thank the heavens.