The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
It's every child's dream to stumble upon a hidden treasure in their very own home. Think how many hours of youth are spent knocking on hollow walls, digging in the backyard and exploring crawl spaces in the hopes of finding something, anything, of value.
In the heat of argument, people sometimes say some dumb things. For example, I once got in an disagreement with a coworker and told him that I was going to piss in his coffee. I didn't mean to say that. I meant to say "in his desk drawer" but it was all cleared up the next day when he reached into his desk drawer. He was so surprised he spit out the cup of piss I made him!
You can't take it with you. Isn't that the expression people always use when they want your stuff after you drop dead? Mr. Allen Swift knew he couldn't take his 1928 Rolls-Royce Piccadilly P1 Roadster with him to the afterlife, but he made sure it was well taken care of after they tossed him into the ground.
Remember that time you got super drunk, duct taped couch cushions to your body and smashed into things around the house like a human pinball? You don't? Well you were super drunk so that doesn't shock us.
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