If this story doesn't make you cringe, nothing will.

A Lubbock man called police last Tuesday (8/16) to report that someone assaulted him and cut off his junk with a knife.

When LPD officers arrived at his apartment in the 5600 block of 48th Street, they found that his manhood had in fact been cut off, but EMS were able to locate the appendage in the kitchen.

The man initially claimed that the assault happened right after he had sex with another man. However, he changed his story upon further questioning while at University Medical Center for treatment.

Turns out, the dude did it to himself.

The police report didn't state what condition the man is in or whether or not doctors were able to reattach his schlong.

Nor did the police report list a motive. But then again, you don't need a motive when you're batsh*t crazy.

BONUS: Texoma's Most Wanted Fugitives of the Week