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Sweatpants That Cost $1,170 Will Go Great With Your Empty Bank Account

 Brunello Cucinelli Monili-Stripe Sweatpants
Bergdorf Goodman

Why would you pay $10 for a comfy pair of sweatpants when you can spend about 120 times more for an equally comfy pair of sweatpants?

Bergdorf Goodman is selling a pair of Brunello Cucinelli Monili-Stripe Sweatpants for a you-need-to-hear-it-twice-to-believe-it price of $1,170.

That’s right — $1,170. For sweatpants. Like the kind Russell or Champion makes that you can find in the bargain bin at Kohl’s.

Yup, this will surely be the most press sweatpants have gotten since ‘Seinfeld’ compared wearing them to giving up.

So, what exactly do these sweatpants come with to justify the hefty cost? Are they infused with vitamins designed to increase your IQ (in which case you’d probably be smart enough not to buy them)? Do they radically alter your shape so people mistake you for Beyonce? Are they equipped with some sort of technology to finally make teleportation possible?

Sadly, the answer to all of these questions is ‘no.’

According to the item description online, they feature:

  • Heathered sweatshirt knit
  • Sparkly Monili side-stripe
  • Adjustable drawstring waistband
  • Side pockets; back welt pockets
  • Relaxed fit with elasticized cuffs
  • Cotton/polyamide
  • Made in Italy

Sounds like a run-of-the-mill pair of sweatpants to us. If you break down each amenity, you’ll see it’s roughly $167 for each one, which means you’re overpaying for the privilege of having a drawstring, a stripe and pockets, which can hold all the spare change you have left to your name after making this purchase.

However, if the numbers don’t scare you away, then we feel obligated to let you know the sweatpants would go great with the Brunello Cucinelli Woven Flower-Detail Pullover that Bergdorf Goodman is peddling for the rock-bottom price of $2,125. Basically, this Brunello Cucinelli character is trying to bankrupt us.

Just don’t wear the pieces together to the gym because you may very well get mugged on the way.

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