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11 Signs You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee

Google CEO Eric Schmidt Discusses Future Of The Internet coffee cup mug
Chip Somodevilla, Getty Images

There are few people who can’t get through their busy day without a cup of strong black coffee. It gets the blood moving, make your brain work faster and keeps you from falling down face first at your desk in a puddle of your own drool.

Some don’t drink it at all because they think it’s not good for them. However, it may not be as unhealthy as you think. A new study from the National Cancer Institute found that guys who drank six cups or more a day actually a 10 percent lower chance of dying prematurely. It’s 15 percent lower among women. Some can even take this good thing too far. Here’s how to tell if you’re one of them.

1. Your blood pressure finished in single digits.

2. You’re so jittery that Sherman Williams hired you as a paint shaker.

3. Your three children are named Venti, Grande and Tall.

4. You’ve showered, made breakfast, fixed a flat tire on the car, read the entire newspaper, fixed lunches for the kids, res-sewn the buttons on all of your shirts, given the house a second coat of paint, finished your taxes and painted a perfect reproduction of the fresco Palazzo del Te by Giulio Romano for the bathroom wall and you’ve only been awake for five minutes.

5. You ask the guy at Starbucks if they can serve your latte in an IV drip.

6. After sex, you go for a one-mile run — and you’re a guy.

7. Your heart beats so fast that you can lay on your stomach and do push-ups without using your arms.

8. You’ve replaced your cocaine habit with nutmeg.

9. You save time so you can drink more coffee by drinking it black, injecting yourself with half-and-half and snorting a line of Sweet’N Low.

10. Your doctor says you’ve got the foamiest blood he’s ever seen.

11. Your favorite coffee mug says, “I’d rather be drinking coffee.”

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