Sh*t got weird after an Ohio woman bought a pack of smoked turkey tails from the grocery store.

According to the Akron Beacon Journal, Lamia Singfield of Akron noticed something strange about one of the turkey tails while cooking them in beans - the turkey tail looked a whole lot like a human penis.

She initially thought it was funny, but the more she thought about it, she became concerned that it was an actual human penis and that someone may have fallen victim to foul play. So, she called the police.

The police then took the phallic-shaped meat to the Summit County Medical Examiner’s Office to have it tested. Tests concluded that no, it wasn’t some poor dude’s junk. However, it wasn’t a turkey tail. It was actually a pork tail with a bone in it that found its way into the pack of turkey tails.

Singfield has since hired an attorney to handle the situation, since she didn’t get what she paid for.

The grocery store, Sav A Lot, issued the following statement in response:

At Save A Lot we have a long-held commitment to the highest standards in quality control and work in partnership with our vendors to ensure those standards are upheld. Issues of quality receive the utmost priority and we take this matter very seriously. We can confirm that we have had no previous quality issues with this item and we have not been contacted by the customer in question or the local authorities regarding this incident. We will take the appropriate action at that time.

Yes, it sucks that she didn’t get what she paid for and chose to get lawyers involved, but at least there’s not some d*ckless dude running around out there.

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